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Woody Allen Quotes

Woody Allen (1935) is an American screenwriter, director, actor, comedian, author, playwright, and musician whose career spans more than 50 years.

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Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.


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Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.


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In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.


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Eighty percent of success is showing up.


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I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.


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The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.


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I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.


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I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.


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If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.


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If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.


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I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.


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Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.


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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.


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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.


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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?


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You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.


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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.


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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.


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I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

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